Today is a great day in G-History as today is the day that I received my copy of Twilight. I've only read the first chapter and I am already amazed that this crap managed to claw it's way off of fanfiction.net. Twilight is totally the new swine flu. IT'S A PANDEMIC.

The most annoying thing is that whenever Bella mentions something that's nice she always complains about it afterwards. Fishing trips are painful and unnecessary. Her response to getting a new car is simply to say, "Wow. Free." The town is beautiful but it's too green. And even when she finds something comforting, it's boring.

Urgh. Get the fuck over it you miserable bitch. God, I fucking hate you and I've never even met you. Quit being so fucking emo and go out and get a job or something you useless bitch.

I've also realised you could make a totally awesome drinking game out of this book. Although you'd be utterly pissed after the first chapter. Just from the first chapter I have this:

Take a drink every time...

...someone is silent
...something is beautiful
...Bella is emo
...Bella shits on someone being nice to her
...someone bites their lip
...the rain is mentioned
...Edward is pale
...skin is mentioned
...Bella cries or fights back tears
...a convenient wind swirls Bella's hair.

I'm going to re-read the chapter and get drunk. Why the hell not, it's Friday night.

P.S. My favourite bit so far is where Bella's leaving for the plane and she says, "My carry on item was a parka." Ok, Awesome? Who the fuck cares? I care about your parka as much as I care about your "ivory skin" and your "slender, but somehow soft" body. GTFO.

P.P.S. If anyone has any further opinions or views on Twilight, specifically the first chapter, then please do let me know. I'd be delighted to agree with you or tell you why you're wrong.

Ok so first off. The new Terminator movie? Not so good. Not terrible, but just not so good. After I saw it I turned to Steve and asked what he thought of it and his reply pretty much summed up the movie, "Meh..." It was pretty disappointing. But there was at least some delicious manflesh to be all fangirl over (minus Christian-Light-Trasher). I can't get over it. Srs. LITTLE ANTON. He's in the category of small, weak boys that I like, who I can slash with big, overpowering men.



"I see you're rocking the Fagin look. So am I. Let's be friends... Then let's do other stuff."

Imagine the damage that dude's giant metal dick could do to that poor boy. RUN ANTON, WHILE YOU STILL CAN.

Anyway, aside from the weird thoughts that metal man has given me, my main bit of geek news is OMG TWILIGHT.



I downloaded this hot shit PURELY because Leanne said it was so bad we had to watch it *NSYNC together across the oceans. And it was bad. Oh my god. Oh my god, it was so bad. It was bad on such an epic scale that I've gone out of my way to purchase the first book and encourage others to do so as well, so that we can all read it at once and lul about how terrible it is. I guess in a way the franchise has won, because I'm wasting my money buying the wretched pieces of shit. But I enjoy things that make me feel angry and terrible. It makes me feel better about myself.

OMG also! I totally went to London Zoo on friday!

( CLICK HERE IF YOU WANT TO SEE SOME UNINTERESTING SHIT OMFG )

FUCKIN' AWESOME!

Why, Christian!? WHY? My love for you has finished. Woe is me.

DO YOU WANT ME TO GO AND FUCKING TRASH YOUR LIGHTS?

I went to see Star Trek again with some of my good buddies and I am happy to report that we all enjoyed it.

I'm glad that this time around I could properly appreciate the Bana, Spock's awesomeness/strange hotness, Kirk getting his ass thoroughly kicked, and the Tribble! that I missed on the first viewing. I could srs go and see that movie again. Omg, so awesome.

I have also, for your viewing pleasure, a picture of the running shoes I have acquired:



Omg lord, please forgive me. Yes they are terrible, and yes there may be better running shoes about, but I only wanted to spend £20 and after trying on the fifth pair of shoes I was losing the will to live. URGH, FAIL.

FIRE EVERYTHING!

ACROSS THE UNIVERSE. ON THE STARSHIP ENTERPRISE UNDER CAPTAIN KIRK.

Guess what I went to see today.

If you haven't yet seen it, watch "Smokin' Aces" for an introduction to the work and face of Chris Pine, as a thorough grounding in his utter hotness is essential when watching the new Star Trek movie.

I could watch him get punched in the face for the rest of my life. At one point in the movie he gets hit so many times that when they wrench him up off the floor to hit him again, there's this line of red saliva that hangs out of his mouth. IT WAS LIKE THEY MADE THIS MOVIE FOR ME.

Also. Eric Bana!? BEING FUCKING AWESOME!? How is there not more Nero/Kirk slash on the internets? What's happening, fangirls? This is an awesome pairing, IMAGINE THE ANGST! ANGSTY FIC. With like, fighting and then other stuff. Like, y'know. Man. Big Nero? Overpowering smaller Kirk? And like, forcing him to do stuff. And other things. Nevermind, there aren't enough hours in the day for me to coherently express all the terrible things that Nero could do to Kirk. Oh man.

But apart from that, it's also a KICK ASS FUCKING MOVIE. IT IS FUCKING AWESOME. And anyone who doesn't like it can fuck right off.

When I watched the intro of the movie I thought, 'Wow, what a cool action movie', and 'Hey, check them out, mentioning things I know of, how cool is that?' And then the second bit of the movie kicks in with some delicious Beastie Boys, just like POW! FUCKIN' BEASTIE BOYS. At which point of course, I was absolutely sold.

Then there's some other bits: Kirk acting like a bit of a douche, Spock being adorable and awesome, Kirk's pants/body, some other stuff. I draw a blank. Oh! Fighting! Kirk gets his ass kicked in this movie about ten million times. Umm, battle scene. LEONARD NIMOY! Monsters. Delicious Bana. Special effects. More ass-kicking. Lovely little Kirk/Spock moment. Erm. Some stuff.

Look whatever, just go and see it. I'm unable to form a proper opinion of anything when I'm in what I like to think of as the sort of 'post coital' phase of my movie watching experience. I don't know what to think. I'm going to watch Smokin' Aces and pretend I'm Nero.



YES PLEASE.

Ok so I went to see the new X-Men movie the other day and I thought it was pretty much awesome. And YES, I did like the comics as a child and YES, I understand the gravity of the situation when Wolverine is crying and living on a hill with some bird that he never actually lived with.

Get the fuck over it, losers.

It's not like with the Potter movies where not only do the production crew destroy the canon of your beloved childhood memories, but they also get the worst actors, the lamest script and the most half-arsed effects to finish the movies off. The Wolverine movie was awesome in so many other ways that I can ignore the changes they've made. I'm not so Nazi about these things as I used to be. Just like, y'know, have a word with yourselves, geeks. Have a word.

Also, how can you dislike a movie where you are strangely attracted to everyone in it?



Strangely attracted? I think so.

I need me some Wolverine/Sabertooth action. Big angry men? Incest? Claws? ISSUES? It's like that ship is sailing just for me.

OMG also, Pineapple Express? WHAT A HUGE DISAPOINTMENT. OH SETH ROGEN. Ok, he was pretty funny and James Franco was really good as a stoner. But the actual movie was just not funny. I spent £7 on that movie! SEVEN. I could have spent that money on sweets that I could have been eating while reading some Wolverine/Sabertooth. Think about it.

P.S. Needed more Deadpool. ...Delicious Deadpool.

Oh yeah, P.P.S. I HAVE A BONSAI TREE! OMG SO AWESOME.



So cute!

Oh baby, I am bringing this back. WHY THE FUCK NOT. I'M BRINGING IT BACK. UNTIL I LOSE INTEREST AND FORGET.

COBBER.

I went to Winchester for my first proper day of university today, and let me tell you, that shit is cool.

Reason one being my American Novel tutor, Dr. Davies:



Note the receding hair, the wonky mouth, and the RIDICULOUSLY TOO LARGE haggard old suit jacket. A-Class tutor? I think so.

Not only does he look good but he done spoke good too. During a discussion about Richard and Judy, some faggot-ass student made the point of saying that people in the "working classes" or the "lower classes" shouldn't be exposed to good literature because they would "sully" it with their unintelligent, simply ways. To which Dr. Davis relied, "Yes, that's quite right."

Wow, people. Wow. It was at this point that I DID NOT pipe up and say that I was decidedly lower class because I haven't had a job in three years and live on a council estate.

Reason two! In my Jewish Identities lecture, the tutor asked what some characteristics of Jewish people were and someone said, "Er, the big nose?" And someone else said, "Money grabbing?" Wtf, dudes? She said, 'characteristics' not 'racist stereotypes'.

As soon as she asked us what our idea of a Jewish person was, all I could think was, 'JOE JOE JOE JOE JOE JOE JOE JOE'. Essentially I spent two hours thinking about Joe. Specifically this picture (Marie, I stole your picture!):



Oh, Joe. How will I work you into my end of semester essay?

UNIVERSITY RULES.

Alivan's is for losers. Why spend £20 on a magic wand when you can forage around on the side of the road for twigs like a weirdo, and then whittle your own? And yes, I realise it's bent.



I would like to point out that I have actually finished all my work for English until September, so this is how I am spending my time now that I officially have WAY too much of it. If anyone wants a G-whittled wand with a magic core of cat hair as standard, I'm currently taking orders.

G. Whittle's: Makers of Fine Wands since 2007 AD.

P.S. I finally caught up with read_hp and then got impatient and overtook them. OH, SIRIUS.

P.P.S. I AM STILL ON POTTER BLACKOUT. THIS IS JUST A BREAK. I need fanfic.

Today Lionel helped me with the revision for my final exams by supplying me with copious amounts of sheer adorable.

And yes, Harry Potter counts as revision. I'm revising... literary theories. That could be applied to... other theories. Look whatever, I would explain the importance of reading Harry Potter for my exam revision, but none of you people would understand my complex English degree-related words.

On Thursday I went to see Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. And I thought rather than doing a review I'd make a pictorial representation of the movie. Thus:



I'm actually making it seem better than it is. However, if you like canon fire and Jack Sparrow's bare chest and/or back, go and see this movie. If you want to see even the barest hints of a plot, some character consistency and a bit of sense, do not go and see this movie. It will send you into a pirate-related rage so great that you may end up trying to kill innocent bystanders with your bare hands on the way back to your car.

( Don't read this, I just had to get some faggoty ranting out of my system. Thus: Potter, Stephen King, Marquis de Sade, QotSA, electro music, 28 Weeks Later, Pan's Labyrinth, The Dark Crystal, Die Hard and Transformers. Yeah. Really. )

Ok, ok. Sometimes I think I'm like that dude from that film with Robert De Niro in the fact that if I didn't have bad luck I wouldn't have any luck at all. But then something happens that is so great, so astoundingly awesome that it makes me think there must be a god and that sometimes he does shit just for me.

Like this -> I'VE GOT THE VAPORS.

Oh. Fuck.



Edit. So that's 169 days. GOOD NUMBER.

WTF? Just... WTF!? I mean I just. What the fuck!?





Quit sexualising Daniel Radcliffe, people!

I can't think of anything I want to see less than Radcliffe jerking off a horse or whatever he does in that play. Not with his strangely hot body. WTF. He's too young for me, anyway. AND HE'S DANIEL RADCLIFFE. I'm so confused.

Oh wow. The new My Chemical Romance video really sucks. I mean, it sucks seriously hard. I don't know why everyone's freakin' out and pissing their pants about it, it's shit.


Dear MCR,

When Sam Bayer came up to you and said, "Hey guys! I got a great idea for a video! We get you in your jackets, and you roll around in the dirt with a load of fire in the background. Yeah, you like that? It's gonna be amazing. And it's absolutely not going to be a rip off of an idea I used like, last year or something." Did you think that this was really what you wanted to be doing?

How about this for an idea: Less money on pyrotechnics and dust, more money on traveling back in time to when you were good.

Love,
Whitey G
x

P.S. Stop sucking, bitches!


WTF are people crying about? Gerard's big freaky face filling up the screen? The shitty song? The rolling around in the dirt like dogs? Bob looking fat in the background?

WORST PERFORMANCE VIDEO EVER. I was watching it with my sister and I was embarrassed FOR THEM.

P.S. The bit at the end with Bob was cute though. I love his pain.

P.P.S. I'm watching it again. On youtube. In case it grows on me.

I went all the way into town today only to find a bunch of people in my class room. So rather than investigating where my class may have been moved to, I just assumed the lesson had been canceled and left.

Then! Whilst walking down the road, I fell victim to a three-fold charity attack. It was like, BAM! BAM! BAM! Gimme yo money!

Afterwards, I made up a song after seeing the cover of the Playmusic magazine, entitled: "Gerard Way, they have not airbrushed out your spots. But I do not mind, because if I was fucking you in the ass, I wouldn't be looking at your face."

Pretty damn good, I think you'll agree.

And because not doing my essay is hard work, I have yet more fanart100 pictures:

( Prompt 019: White )

I'm trying out the spaces-between-paragraphs approach to lj. See how it works out.

I did not do my essay. I have still not done my essay.
BUT CHECK WHAT I HAVE CREATED! This may be the greatest thing I have ever done. I know I say that a lot, but this time I really mean it. It's the Lord of the Rings trilogy condensed into nine easy-to-digest frames, THUS:

( Prompt numbers 001: Beginnings, 002: Middles, and 003: Ends )

I didn't want to put them behind a cut because they are so great but the blasted things are too big! Despite that, this journal entry is rated as ten out of ten! By me.



EDIT!

( Willy Wonky )

I'm using this icon especially now.

LJ's been so crap today. Where's my entertainment, internets?
It doesn't take long to get back into the old routine of being awake at 2am, knowing that I have an extremely important essay due the next day, and instead of finishing it just spending my time drawing little pictures.
Not only is the essay due tomorrow very important, it's also 2000 words and based on three books I haven't read and four lectures that I missed. So basically I'm all over sparknotes trying to piece something together. And by that I mean I just spent the last forty minutes doing my fanart100.
I wish these things didn't take me so bloody long, I've got so many ideas! Most of them are either Gandalf calling everyone bitches or Aragorn bumming everyone. But that's not important.
CHECK IT -> Yeah, I got a table, baby.

( Prompt number 67: Snow )

In other news. Today I trod in DOG POO and I didn't realise until I had been wandering around Bournemouth for half an hour.
ALSO. I'm done with my eight day long ban on the emo music. It didn't work out because it's on my mp3 player and it's all they play on MTV2 and Leanne made me listen to THE FOB on our way back from Bournemouth. IT WASN'T MY FAULT.

I had the best dream last night. It was like War of the Worlds, but with HUGE FUCK-OFF SEA MONSTERS instead of aliens. There were also hot chicks, explosions, dead dogs and loads of dudes from bands. It was amazing, I woke up thinking, DAMN, IT WAS NOT REAL.

Whitey G says: omg robert thingy is actually there
Bunny says: yeah, i told you that!
Bunny says: and you were like whatever
Whitey G says: Really?
Whitey G says: I do not remember that at all
Bunny says: for halloween im dressing up as a fanfiction
Bunny says: then you'll notice me
Whitey G says: HAHAHAHAHHAHA!

I totally would.

P.S. Leanne, due to my lack of funds for Halloween I'm going to have to piece together a costume from my array of hats and masks. Therefore I'm going to be a sheep-pirate or a 1930's giraffe. I've drawn up some plans: